just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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