I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize