You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
