Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
