I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
