Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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