mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
