there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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