tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
