I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
