yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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