when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
