Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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