is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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