just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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