they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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