I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
