It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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