So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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