I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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