So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
