I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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