After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
