It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
