i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
