Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
