Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
