the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
