And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
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Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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