you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
