Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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