You're my little dorito
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize