just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
