New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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