I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
