I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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