No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish i was in the wii world.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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