I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
