i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
