That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
