i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
