There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
