i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
