woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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