dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
