It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
