After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
