better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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