fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
