I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
