it hurts more in the daytime
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is wine microwaveable?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
