So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
