Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
