oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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