Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
