Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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