You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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