Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
