lets start a swedish sibling band together
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
