Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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