I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
