chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
