ADVERTISEMENT

• (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Fav 54 75095 3011

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.

  Fav 14 9691 1433

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.

  Fav 14 4917 1528

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet

  Fav 11 2689 1189

  share tweet
  

• (810): View more from Michigan

  It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

  Fav 7 3624 1655

  share tweet
  

• (989): View more from Michigan

  private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.

  Fav 3 1829 892

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (530): View more from California

  The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.

  Fav 3 2164 1005

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.

  Fav 12 1402 708

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...

  Fav 3 1177 1024

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him

  Fav 2 1227 913

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?

  Fav 2 824 804

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.

  Fav 10 1607 659

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"

  Fav 3 1162 516

  share tweet
  

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.

  Fav 4 304 566

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (408): View more from California

  Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried

  Fav 0 17 77

  share tweet
  

Randomize