Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've blown a few things in my day
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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