Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
