I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
