Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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