woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
