worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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