Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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