I'm jealous of your bromance
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
