masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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