He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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