I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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