I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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