I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
