Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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