I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
