Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
