As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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